Herb's Eulogy

13 April 2011
Before talking about Herb, I want to address some persons here now.
First, I thank Pastor …… and members of the …. for providing this facility, and thank members of the … who supported Herb – both before his stroke and during his stay at the nursing home. These persons did much to stay connected to Herb, and to connect him to the world. Next, I praise the staff of the home who gave care and service – to Herb and to many others unable to care for themselves – always under trying conditions. They do so with a tenderness and humor, and in a way intended to maintain patient dignity. Brian and Megan deserve warm and special thanks. These two made changes to their own lives in order to help Herb. They did so unselfishly. On Herb’s behalf, I say here I am proud of them. Last, I give honor and love to my father. He visited Herb three times a week while he was at the Pavilions and he tried everything he knew how to make Herb’s life more comfortable there.
My brother, Herb…
People who knew Herb know he had his strengths and weaknesses. He knew this himself – although in public he would deny any claim of his imperfection, all the while flashing his wry and rascally grin. I have much to remember but little to say about Herb’s strengths or weaknesses. All of us have them. They are what it means to be human. Herb was no different.
Here is a fact I know was important to Herb – because we talked about it once or twice a week from the time of his divorce until two days before the stroke that killed him. He loved each of his children. B, A, J, M, M and W, your father loved you. In life and in death, in contact or estranged, in pride or disappointment, in anger or joy, he loved you. Now, I hope each of you forgives him for any and all his faults however important they once may have seemed. I hope you will simply love him. I do.
Herb was fulfilled by working with his hands and mind. He could be a mad frenetic worker. When construction did not provide enough income, he had the courage to change professions. As his heart problem and later his kidney failure took from him the ability to do sustained work, he persevered. He adjusted, worked part-time, and kept on. Confined to a bed at the home, it was easy to see how restless he was. Yet he persevered as long as he could. I am happy he is at rest.
In my earlier visits with Herb at the home, he was more articulate. Speaking was quite difficult, yet from time to time he expressed some amazing things. He told me he was in love again. And I could see in his eyes that it was true. I remember – word for word – the last complete thought he said to me, uttered with that wry and rascally grin on his face, with that sparkle of truth in his eyes.
He said “I have been… no, I am enlightened.”
Wouldn’t we all be pleased if we could say that at the end of our own life?